I grew up with vertical cuts, and now that I’m the one wielding the knife, that corner-to-corner slash makes me feel pretty freaking fancy, and that’s even before I sprinkle a few flakes of Maldon salt on my grilled cheeses. There’s something about a diagonal cut that elevates a humble sandwich into something more elegant. The superiority of a diagonal slice is undisputed. “Clearly you are a monster.” In hundreds of comments, people were rightly offended by Perelman’s crimes not just against sandwichdom but against humanity itself. But her cut went across the poor sandwich’s equator. Perhaps people wouldn’t have gotten so unhinged if she had merely bisected it vertically, the way some people (who are wrong but possibly not deserving of being cast out of society) might do. And then … like a screech on a record player (or whatever the modern equivalent of that sound is), Perelman took the video in a very, very dark direction. Her soup – shallots burbling in butter along with tomatoes brick-red from the oven, all blended together with a spot of cream – looked amazing (her food always looks amazing), and the sandwich was toasty-golden perfection. On Saturday, she shared a video showing how to make a roasted-tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich – a truly stellar combination that felt just right for the early-fall chill out there. The revelation came in an Instagram post by Deb Perelman, a cookbook author who writes the popular blog Smitten Kitchen. Not everyone, though, obeys this law, and this weekend we were confronted with the upsetting reality that there are monsters in our midst. Pineapple on pizza? Sure, why not? Is a hot dog a sandwich? Eh, I don’t care!īut there are a few absolute, ironclad rules that I think protect us from losing our tenuous hold on civilization and sliding into the chaotic abyss, and one of them is this: Sandwiches must be cut in half on the diagonal. That is, like Sheryl Crow once said, “if it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad.” So I’m generally not about yucking anyone’s yum or issuing edicts. When it comes to most things food-related, I subscribe to the “do you” philosophy.
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